


Playing by Ear: Epilogue

by NikuKnight



Series: Playing by Ear [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Does "angst with a happy ending" apply here?, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, It's depressing until the end sorry, Naga realizes she made a mistake and fixes it, Self-Insert, World Travel, eh, there is a happy ending though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikuKnight/pseuds/NikuKnight
Summary: It's been a long (and partially unwritten) journey for Merra, and all good journeys must come to an end someday.
Relationships: My Unit | Reflet | Robin/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Playing by Ear [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119893
Kudos: 1





	Playing by Ear: Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wasn't planning on posting this today but I can't get up until my cat moves off my lap, so I might as well. 
> 
> To anyone who somehow stumbled on this by mistake, this is not a standalone story. Go read Playing by Ear first. 
> 
> Anyway, I posted this as its own thing so as to make it easier on myself if I ever continue Playing by Ear. This way I won't have to reorder chapters or anything like that.

I wept.

Burned into the back of my eyelids: my last view of Robin, fading away.

The entirety of Ylisse following.

No, not the individual people, but the whole world. Or maybe I was fading, too? 

That made more sense.

I could still feel the ghostly impression of his hand holding mine.

The universe flew by, spread out before me, but I paid it no mind. I knew Robin would most likely return, but would I? Was I going back to my original world, if I had faded from Ylisse?

Would I ever get to see him again? In-person, not just programmed into some game? Would we ever get to hold each other, spend time with our children together, ever again?

I wept all the more, knowing the most likely answer was no.

All at once the universe snapped back into place, depositing me in a dust-covered room that looked like it hadn't been disturbed in years.

A very  _familiar_ dust-covered room. Which, if I were to hazard a guess, had been left alone for  _three_ years.

My old room.

I looked around at remnants of the life that once belonged to me: clutter piled on every given surface, clothes scattered across the floor, hot pink shears over the window coloring the entire room a surreal, happy hue, nets of nerd plushes hung on one corner, and video game posters and paintings I had done myself perched on the walls.

The Merra who'd lived here was a far cry from who I was now; a warrior, a wife, a  _mom._ Who ever thought any of those would happen? I certainly hadn't. 

I was stuck here, I knew, but my heart was still in Ylisse.

* * *

After quietly breaking down for a full hour, I knew I needed to get myself together and start figuring out where to go from here. Obviously I needed to find a way back into Ylisse, but in the meantime I needed to  _not_ be put in an insane asylum for insisting I'd been dimension-napped during my absence from this world. I may have been able to tell the Shepherds the truth eventually, but they actually  _had_ magic and other impossible things. Here, I'd be deemed a lost cause. "Such a shame," they would say, "It seems whatever happened was too much for her."

So if telling the truth wouldn't work, I needed a story. Or did I? A story needed proof, but  _amnesia_ was still a mysterious topic. It was a condition that scientists didn't always know the cause of or solution to. In other words, there would be no way to disprove it. Even if people knew I was lying, they wouldn't have a better explanation. 

I took stock of everything I had on me; it looked like I had all the stuff with me I'd had in the final battle, everything from magic items to armor to injuries. So, I supposed, the first thing to test would be the magic. I had one last vulnerary on me, so I drank that in the hopes that it would work its magic despite the lack thereof in this world. 

Thankfully, it worked, sealing any cuts and easing the pain of the grimleals' dark magic. I made sure to drink every last drop to prevent anyone else from getting their hands on it. 

Next, I changed. Medieval clothing torn from battle was going to raise a lot of questions, so I'd have to stash it somewhere and change into something here. Luckily, my closet, like everything else, hadn't been touched. This meant that the clothes I picked were a bit moth-eaten, but wearable. The real problem was that I had put on more muscle than I'd had when I'd first disappeared, so my old clothes had gotten tight. This was solved by changing again, this time into one of my brother's old shirts and some pajama pants that had been too big before. The shirt was actually still too big, but the pants fit, so that was alright.

I stashed my armor and Ylissean clothes with my cosplay stuff, shedding another tear at their symbolic rest. I didn't want to forget my time in the Halidom, pretend it didn't exist, but I had no choice but to hide it. 

I'd had the forethought to keep my most important belongings on me for the final battle in the case of this happening, but carrying too much would have bogged me down in such an important battle. As a result this meant I had the ring Robin had given me, my first journal, my magic journal, my glasses, one of Robin's shirts I had stolen (it still smelled like him), and my well-worn pokemon hat. Much to my dismay, I had nothing of Morgan's or Riley's. 

Well, at least I knew they had something of mine, even if it had been from the bad future. And Robin had my old jacket, right? Or he would when he returned? I had left it in our room…

And there I went, crying again. 

Wiping away my tears for the nth time, I looked for my old travel backpack. It would be big enough to hold everything I wasn't willing to let out of my sight, like Hack. Thank goodness Hack was a short sword; I could pass it off as an sword-umbrella. Finding the red bag, I unceremoniously dumped its contents (regular travel stuff mostly, like a brush and toiletries, plus my rock/mineral collection) and neatly packed it with my newer belongings. In the end this left the backpack fairly empty, but that was fine. I would fill it with more as time went on, I was sure. As an afterthought I retrieved my armor that I had put with my cosplay stuff, stashing that in my bag as well. 

Gods—no, wait, it was just "God" here—I was thirsty. Crying really takes it out of you. Looking at the closed bedroom door (and avoiding looking at the webs in the corners), I made one final check to ensure that I was ready to face the world. I could hide a bit longer if I wasn't ready, right? But no, I needed water. Maybe no one would notice if I opened the door quietly. The bathroom was the next door over, if I remembered correctly. I hadn't lived in this particular house long, just a couple months, in my defense. 

Not letting myself stall (no, not Stahl) any longer, I slowly, slowly opened the door. 

_Creeeeeeak._

Ah, right. Old door that hadn't been used in years. It was going to creak. 

I held my breath, listening for any movement downstairs. (My room was in the attic-turned-second-floor, along with a second bedroom with a bathroom between the two. Everything else was downstairs.) after a full minute of nothing, I let out my breath. 

Man; Old Merra couldn't hold her breath that long. 

Regardless, if no one heard that then either my mom's hearing was worse than I thought, or no one was home. Well. Guess that made showering easier.

* * *

I showered so long I ran out of hot water; which didn't mean much, as the hot water only lasted eleven minutes. Despite this, the cool water rushing over my skin felt  _incredible_ after only being able to bathe for so long.

Blood, dirt, and soot were all rinsed down the drain, washing away the last remnants of my time in Ylisse. 

I was able to get as far as combing my hair—my short, short hair—before I broke down crying again. I knew I was being stupid, crying wouldn't take me back to where I wanted to be, but…I had found happiness in Ylisse. I had been a shell of a person when I'd arrived, and the Shepherds had put me back together and made me a better whole. War was a struggle, but I'd never felt so complete as I had by my family's sides.

_Stop dwelling,_ I told myself.  _You were…relatively happy here. There were people you'd missed. Why not reconnect with them?_

Okay. Okay, I could do that. Turning off the water, I stepped out of the shower. I toweled off, thinking. Would my old friends still want to be friends with me? It had been three years. Would my cats remember me?

Once I was dressed again, I peeked my head out of the bathroom door. It didn't sound like anyone was home…might as well get reacquainted with the cats again.

"Fritzi~!" I called my cat, Fritz, first.

"Mrow?" I heard back. That couldn't be right; despite his gargantuan size, my Fritzi had a tiny squeaky kitten mew.

"Fritzi, I'm home," I tried again.

There was another "Mrow?" Before a fluffy black face appeared at the base of the stairs. Moose!

"Moose~" I called. "Do you know where my Fritzi is?" I'd missed my big brown tabby. I'd missed all of my cats, of course, but Fritzi most of all.

Moose, scrawny but fluffy as ever, trotted up the stairs towards me. When I reached out a hand to him he stopped, sniffing. He sniffed and sniffed, before finally stepping forward and allowing me to pet him. That was good; at least one of my cats remembered me.

Mustering my courage, I stepped out of the bathroom. I had a tabby to find.

* * *

I fell down the stairs, of course.

It hadn't been an unusual occurrence, when I'd lived here. Everyone who came to this house fell down the stairs at least once at some point or another. It was incredible, really. I'd just thought I'd learned where not to step, but I suppose it  _had_ been a long time since I'd used this stairway. 

It was discouraging, to say the least. 

In any case, I'd survived much worse, so I picked myself up and continued like nothing had happened, calling for my various cats. Gigi was shy around strangers, so I probably wouldn't see her for several days, at least. Moose had already greeted me, leaving Binx, Fritz, and my brother's cats. 

I found Binx loafing on a blanket in the living room, but Fritz was nowhere to be found. 

Where was my sweet kitty?

Then I heard the garage door open and froze; I-I wasn't ready! In a panic, I high-tailed it back up the stairs to my room, slamming the door behind me. 

"Who's there?" My mom's voice carried up the stairs. "Come out, or I-I'll call the police!" 

Ick, I didn't want to deal with police…obviously she had heard me, so I couldn't pretend I wasn't here anymore. Great going, Merra. 

"Please don't call the police," I pleaded, opening the door. 

Her phone hit the floor. "Merra?"

"Yes?"

* * *

After much crying and hugging, we finally sat down in the living room to talk. 

"Where have you been all this time?" She started us off with the questions. 

"I don't know," I replied, looking away so I wouldn't be looking at her while I lied. "I don't remember." 

"You don't remember?" She looked heartbroken. "Nothing at all?"

"Nothing since texting Niki three years ago." I confirmed. "God, I'm so far behind! That's three years I could have been going to college!" I paused. "What if I went to college and now I don't remember any of it? That's such a waste!"

Reigning myself back in, I asked the next question. "My turn. Where's my phone? I want to tell my friends I'm back."

"I left it in your room," Mom answered. "It should be on the desk. I guess if you don't remember anything then it's pointless for me to ask questions. I'm just glad you're home."

I smiled in response before asking my next question. "Where's Fritz?" 

"Oh, Sweetie," My mom's expression turned sympathetic. I felt my stomach drop; what had happened to my cat?! "He was terrorizing the other cats, so we had to give him back to the no-kill shelter we got him from. I'm so sorry."

"My sweet Fritzi?" Tears welled in my eyes once again. "He's gone?"

"I'm sorry Sweetie, we didn't have a choice."

No. No, I couldn't do this. The urge to hide in my room and cry was getting too strong. "I'm going to need some time," was all I managed before I fled.

* * *

Back in my room, I located my phone and immediately shot out a group message to my friends.

Merra:  _Hey guys! You would not believe where I've been the last three years…_

* * *

Months passed. I slowly reconnected with people from my old life, but, aside from my three closest friends, I found it hard to  _really_ connect with anyone. So much time had passed while I was gone; everyone my age was at least halfway through college, and I hadn't even started. They were all at different stages in their lives. None of my friends had even dated, let alone gotten married!

College wasn't the only thing I had missed. Most of the cats at my Dad's house, ones that had been in my life for as long as I could remember, had passed away, with another on her way out. Actually, my dad had moved to a completely different city! My childhood house was no longer mine to call home.

Not that anywhere on Earth was home now.

My interests, once being almost completely modern (video games, anime, fanfiction, writing on my phone), now turned to more…hands-on things. I became interested in anything I could physically do with my hands, from construction to chemistry to playing music and drawing. To an outsider none of my new hobbies seemed to connect, but to me, well, they were all ways to remember Ylisse. To  _help_ Ylisse.

Because there was no way I'd settle for not going back.

My interest in construction was actually more geared towards plumbing; if I was going back to Ylisse, I was taking knowledge of toilets and showers with me, integrity of the indigenous timeline be damned.

I learned chemistry so I could teach Miriel and Ricken; I'd felt bad about how little I was able to teach them before. I was sure they'd appreciate knowledge on physics as well, so I made sure to take classes on that, too.

Music was fairly self-explanatory. I didn't have a musical bone in my body, but I wanted to remember the songs I had heard there, as well as show them songs I knew from here. Music was expression of the soul; trying to pick it up was a no-brainer.

Lastly, I went back to drawing, now focusing on hyper-realism instead of simple fantasy. While the ridiculous attention to detail wasn't fun, it was important. It was the only way I'd be able to remember everyone's faces, after all. Sure, I could look at Nintendo content, but all that was stylized. Ylisse wasn't anime-style when I was actually there.

Time continued on, but it was like I was standing still as it flowed past me. I prepared my travel bag with things I wanted with me if I ever got caught unawares and sent back—this included a polaroid camera (what use was a camera if there was no way to develop the pictures?), extra polaroid film, batteries (maybe I could recharge them with magic?), my favorite novel (I'd pack the entire series, but needed to save space), a pack of pens (SO much easier than an inkwell), and a small sketchbook. The polaroid camera had been a pain to get my hands on in 2019, let me tell you.

Sparring with my friends had never been so one-sided. I beat them every time. As long as I avoided blocking any blows from Aaron, I would always end up on top. The nerf swords we used were a far cry from the real thing, being much more cumbersome, but it was nothing a little practice didn't solve. It was almost like practicing with a weighted blade—once the weight was gone, I'd be all the stronger.

Training on my own consisted of beating up trees in the yard with Hack, but it was tough. I couldn't even look at Hack without crying. I know I worried everyone, between the skill I had with a sword to the severe melancholy I would feel, but what could I do? It was hard to be happy when I missed the ones I loved.

Even looking at the sky was sad, I noticed one night. The noise, air, and light pollution of the city dirtying up even cloudless skies. There were so many fewer stars. I took to wearing headphones to dampen the noise, but there was nothing to be done about the quality of the air. It was just something I'd have to get used to again.

I missed seeing a white full moon. The yellow, and god forbid, sometimes  _orange_ moon was like a slap to the face.

Most of the time, I would hole up in my room with my computer, studying, doing art, or trying to replicate music. It was one such night that the smell of books and ozone, of  _Robin_ permeated the air. I felt a hand on my shoulder. 

Spinning around in my chair, I couldn't help the excitement and hope that bubbled in my chest. "Robin?!" 

But no one was there.

* * *

So close, and yet so far.

Robin had returned to Ylisse mere months after defeating Grima—defeating  _himself_ —and Merra's absence was like a punch to the gut. 

He didn't know if the dreams were the best, or the worst part of the whole thing. 

Ever since his return, he'd been dreaming of Merra and her world. He watched her as she tried to fit back in, studied fascinating subjects, drew amazing recreations of the Shepherds, and learned music he'd never heard before. 

He could only watch as she broke down time and time again, as she tried and failed to remake the connections she'd had with people before, as her life stagnated in her grief. 

The first thing he'd tried to do when the dreams started upon his return was to comfort her, putting a tentative hand on her shoulder. She sniffed, before whirling around in her chair. "Robin?!" She'd cried in disbelief. 

But she'd been looking right through him. 

There was nothing he could do to comfort her as the light of hope died from her eyes. 

He was holding her back, now. She couldn't move on with her life while she held onto memories of him, and clearly trying to comfort her only resulted in anguish. 

Was he doomed to forever watch from a distance?

* * *

Was I doomed to miss my family forever?

* * *

Naga looked on, disappointed. It seemed two of her heroes weren't doing well despite her best efforts. In fact, by bringing one of them home, it looked like she'd even made a  _mistake._ Who knew that Merra'd be more at home in a foreign world?

But maybe it wasn't the world that made the difference; maybe, it was who was  _in_ it. 

Still, she shouldn't meddle too much. Merra's world was not Naga's to get involved in. She would have to observe for a bit longer, see if they'd settle, before making any rash decisions.

* * *

Crying myself to sleep was nothing unusual anymore.

Prior to being dimension-napped, I had never actually cried myself to sleep before. It was a weird concept to me. How could one go straight from crying, something immensely distracting and exerting, to sleeping, something that required being relaxed? It didn't make sense. Surprisingly, though, it was still a thing that happened.

Wiping my eyes proved useless, as I was now dreaming and no longer had tears coating my face. Good to know.

I looked around, not "remembering" anything about the dream's history to give me a clue about where I was or what I was supposed to do. To my pleasant surprise, I was on the same beach where I'd met Naga soon after going to Ylisse. Fish tanks were stacked on each other like shelves, making long, brightly-lit hallways open to the sky. Rather than the fish staying in their tanks, they swam through the glass sides like they weren't there, drifting through the walkways as if in the ocean. The sound of waves was calming, even as I wondered what I was doing here again.

I floated through the labyrinth of fish tanks, feet never touching the sand, petting any fish who dared get close enough to touch. Was anyone else here? Was I alone?

Story of my life, nowadays.

Unnoticed by me, the sandy ground changed into that of a grassy field, a warm breeze causing the blades to ripple. What I  _did_ notice was that the illuminated, transparent fish tanks had changed to dark bookshelves, the adventurous smell of the sea changing to the cozy scent of a library. Instead of reef fish, bolts of magic drifted between the shelves, saturating the air with their own scent—the familiar smell of ozone.

I had the distinct feeling of being home.

Home is where the heart is, after all, and this was, undoubtedly,  _Robin's_ dreamscape. The books were probably his memories and knowledge, which explained the destroyed section I saw a bit farther back—that had to be from the amnesia. Or, more specifically, the amnesia was caused by the destruction, which was the result of Grima attempting to merge with Robin when the dragon's avatar came back in time.

It was for this reason that I began making my way back to my own dreamscape; if this was real, and this  _was_ Robin's dreamscape, then I didn't need to be snooping around in his head. 

Floating around the last shelf before I was back at the beach, I saw a familiar figure standing before the rows upon rows of fish tanks. A shoal gathered around him in greeting, swirling about as he reached out to touch them. 

I hesitated, deliberately blinking to make sure he was really there, that seeing him wasn't just wishful thinking. 

And still he played with the fish, laughing quietly in wonder. I smiled; even if he hadn't had amnesia, I doubt he'd've been prepared to see fish swimming in the air. 

It was the laughter that snapped me out of my reverie, and before I knew it I was flying to him at top speed. "Robin!"

"Merra?" He turned as the fish scattered at my sudden movement, not even able to get his bearings before I crashed into him. Caught off-balance, he fell into the sand, taking me with him. 

"I missed you so, so much!" I hugged him with all my might, unwilling to let go for fear I'd lose him again. That he'd fade away again. 

"I missed you too," he murmured, hugging me back just as tight. 

After what would normally be an uncomfortably long time, his grip loosened. "…are you going to let go?" 

I shook my head in his neck. "No."

He laughed then, the most wonderful sound to my ears. "Alright," he tightened his grip again. "Guess we'll just have to settle in."

"Okay," I said in a small voice, too choked up with happiness for anything else. 

We sat like that, in the divide between the sandy beach and the grassy field, and all I could think was that I hoped I'd never have to wake up.

* * *

Naga watched the two heroes, resolution forming in her mind.

She couldn't sit by and do nothing. Merra's world was not hers to meddle in, sure, but hadn't Merra somewhat become her charge when Grima brought her to Ylisse? And hadn't Robin  _sacrificed himself_ for the sake of her world? The two deserved happiness, and it was clear that they'd found it at each other's sides. 

Well, it seemed there was only one thing left to do.

* * *

To my complete and utter dissatisfaction, I felt so at peace in Robin's arms that I'd fallen asleep. Yeah,  _in my own dreamscape._ What a waste! Who knew if I'd ever see him again, and I slept away my time with him?! Augh!

My frustration was reflected in my dreamscape, taking the form of storm clouds, rough waves, and predatory fish. I saw a great white swimming through the aisle on the other side of the wall of tanks closest to me, and knew I needed to calm down. This was a nice place; there was no need to mar it with my anger. 

Robin was gone, as was his dreamscape that had been connected to mine. In its place was more rows of fish tanks, all leading to the ocean that had appeared on the other side from the first one. 

I didn't want to be alone here. If I stayed here any longer the happy memories I now associated with this place would become stained by depression. 

Wiping away a stray tear, I woke myself up.

* * *

It took me a minute to realize something was wrong when I opened my eyes.

That was my ceiling, right? Wait, no, that was the ceiling  _in Ylisse OH MY GODS IT WAS HAPPENING IT HAD HAPPENED I WAS BACK!_ I jumped to my feet to go find the Shepherds and celebrate. This, of course, was a mistake, as I had gone from horizontal (I'd found myself passed out on the ground) to vertical and on my feet in no time flat. Attack of the white-outs! Low blood pressure strikes again.

In the time it took for me to regain my vision and control over my body I had dropped my backpack (yikes, was my camera okay?) and tripped into the desk, sweeping everything on it onto the floor with my flailing.

Woops?

Running footsteps approached from outside the door to the hallway, no doubt drawn by the noise I had made.

In hindsight, I should have expected the weapons aimed at me. I  _had_ just come from nowhere; for all anyone else knew, I was an assassin (albeit a clumsy one) who had snuck in.

Chrom and Robin stood in the doorway, weapons drawn, but frozen in shock. I had no time to react to this because then  _more_ footsteps ran in from up the hall.

This time, Morgan and Riley appeared in the doorway. Much faster to react than their elders, they pushed through the doorframe and pounced. "Mother!"

Robin dropped his weapons, rushing to follow them.

Dog-piled by my family, I could only smile, radiating pure joy.

"I'm home."

**Author's Note:**

> Things that didn't make it in: the relative dates of events (Merra arrived back in her world in spring or summer of 2019, and returned to Ylisse on New Year's Eve), my friends (there was going to be an entire section with them, but it didn't work out), the heal crystals working, the tomes _not_ working, and Merra's crow who hasn't been introduced yet also joining the dog-pile. 
> 
> Also can we just appreciate the fact that Merra escaped 2020 by the skin of her teeth? Lucky!
> 
> I love how Robin's just like, "this is my life now," when Merra won't let go. Goals TTuTT


End file.
